Six years ago, on this very date, on this very day (Sunday), Ben returned from a weekend highschool retreat at Concordia University having stamped his thumb on this paper along with one of his long-time friends, Sean. It was on November 6th, just like it's November 6th today. We haven't had the same dates and days line up since then until this year. The counselor he and Sean were with that weekend, Tim, saved this for me. He saw it on a big board, I think he said, that this was placed on along with all the other kids' ones from the retreat. He took Ben and Sean's off when Ben fell and died just two days later, and tucked it away, contacting me sometime later and we finally met I think it was maybe 2019 (the original weekend was 2016 when the thumbprints were first made).
I know I've blogged before about Ben actually getting to that retreat, how we prayed in the hallyway of Concordia that morning, Friday the 4th that he would choose to attend. What a struggle it was for him to decide to go and his contacting me the week before, or the day, I'm forgetting, to see if he could still get in despite registration deadlines having passed. "Of Course!" I was so happy to exclaim! He was struggling in every single way of life up until that weekend starting with his Dad's sudden, surprise decision to break our intact family of seven with divorce the year before and all the incomprehensible experiences that followed.
He had good ol' Ben fun.
He was SOOOO strong!
He helped with fall raking for those in need.
Got to sleep in the dorms.
And leave the messy life behind, from November 4th-November 6th, 2016. Hanging on the river (back left, naturally...doing bunny ears!) with gorgeous fall sunsets, meeting new friends and old, Concordia student mentors/leaders and being In God's Word, and song, and conversation and Word some more.
My Ben.
Who asked me, how he could get there.
During a time he wasn't living in my home for two months while his dad said he had a "safe place" for him to live, away from "the abuser." (Um...that's me btw. SP also said that to Ben's younger brother, Ben's younger brother's doctors and teachers...curious to check in and see how that worked out for the younger brother as well? Pretty tragic results there too.)
He reached out to me, "Mom, do you think I can still go?"
He had that time at Concordia.
That brief respite.
My Ben, our most sensitive and emotional child right from birth, wore his feelings on his sleeve, felt things very deeply.
Died two days later.
Moving.
On.
October 2016.
I had finally been able to close on our new house (old to us from having lived in it originally from December 1998-December 2003), after three denials for a mortgage having been a sixteen year stay-at-home mom, (and yes, I STILL sing Praises to God for that blessing, literally just did the other day walking through my front lawn to get the mail, I'm in awe He provided for us in this way!) and one of the first things I did was transplant the Rose of Sharyn bush from our old house of 12 years that Ben and I planted together on his 5th birthday, to the house we returned to. That location is right outside my bedroom corner, behind the headboard of my bed. Sweet Alli hanging out with me at the time.
Summer 2022.
Ben's bush is the one on the far left, having been joined by pass me down bushes from a friend. Can you even imagine the joy I get when I round the corner of the house to this? My neighbor on this side of the house even texted this summer to say how much she was enjoying the flowers.
This verse was part of my daily, read the bible in a year reading, this morning. It struck me. I recommend reading the entire chapter. Just as Ben left us in his earthly presence so suddenly all these years ago now, Stay Awake, for our Redeemer will return just as suddenly.
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